Have you Hit Bottom!?

I really picked a good day to get to work on this website. I hit my last bottom, really almost 2 years ago, and my drinking has been “under control” for over a year. Today was only like the second time, I was near tears and wanted to get drunk. No I didnt want to have a few drinks, I wanted to get drunk. Of course thats when I knew it was a bad idea. Hell always knew it when I was a HEAVY drinker. I was a heavy drinker on and off for the last 40 years (I’m 58 now).

I have bumped along the bottom so many times. Much of the last 20 years, I had some decent success even while drinking. Then the time started coming that I needed a drink, and I dont mean hung over, or a couple of beers would help. I mean its 5AM and if I dont get a few beers in my I’m going to start dry heaving. I so often would wake up, and have a couple of beers to steady my nerves, and then wait until I felt I was under the legal limit, and then go get my beer for the day. Two moves ago I used to have a store owner drop by beer on his way home. Oh and then Sunday, having to wait until noon, and where I was living last (it was 20 miles away). I was shaking too bad to drive more than once, but sometimes I did. And more than once, I had a couple of beers on the drive home, I needed my beer.

I was suck fucking sick and tired, of being sick and tired. I was functioning okay, save the fact I HAD to drink. Over the last 10 years or so I have detoxed 22 times. If you have done it, you know how bad it can be, but for your sake you dont have them bad, if you really think you have hit rock bottom. You must think so, or you wouldn’t be here.

I wish I could say it was going to be easy. And after a few days of pure hell, it will take weeks for your body start to recover from what damage you have done to it. They you have to address your life and the world. Booze didn’t cause most of our problems, though it has for some. Thats what the few that said they were willing to help or cared, only saw my drinking, no for me its depression, depressed before I look at my work, home, world, I get depressed and get drunk. Sometimes I would party, sometime is was a drunken sad pity party. One of the last I got sober and was really ready to tackle some issues, all the problems were still there, but no help was.

Are you proud of who you are right now? Do you know you can be much more of who you want to be. This is mostly all on you. Please read the next article if you are planning to, some needed future advice and tips. When you are ready, and know you are ready, its time to get tough, cause the first 36 hours (&*3&^%!!!!, and I’ve done this to myself so many damn times.